i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
