I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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