I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
