told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
