Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You made out with two different species that night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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