he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
