my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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