How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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