I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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