based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
