i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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