remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
