my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
