guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
