I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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