we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
