i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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