Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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