I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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