I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
