True but thats because hes a fetus.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
