My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
