Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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