Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
