pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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