i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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