So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
