First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
