I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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