i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
