Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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