just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
