Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
