My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
