I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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