So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
