Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
