my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
