He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
