They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
