you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
