I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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