hotel room ftw
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
