I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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