i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
