Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
