The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
