We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
