you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
