it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
