Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will die if light touches me.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
